Essays and not much else

I'm off uni all week doing my course essays. I actually finished them both yesterday so have plenty of time for proof-reading and editing etc. I'm pretty mentally exhausted which late on an evening with nothing better to do but Facebook and knit takes its tole on my 'i'm in a long distance relationship and it's completely great' attitude. By the time I see him next it'll have been two weeks and one week in I'm really grumpy. It's pretty unattractive, and not constant, but all the same, very irritating. Two weeks apart is clearly not a big deal and during the day I couldn't really care less. If only there were no bedtimes!

Busy few days ahead so it's all good.

Post birthday dark night induced melancholy

I have just returned from spending four glorious nights at my parents home in Teesside. Ali came too which made it extra lovely. Yesterday was my birthday - nice presents, lunch out and an amazing homemade birthday cake, complete with sparklers.

Going home is always nice, but it leaves me feeling a little disjointed and unsettled upon my return to Edinburgh. It doesn't help that it's dark by 5pm either.

More and more often these days I get a sense of frustration with being in this particular place in my life. Being at home only serves to make this more acute. On the one hand I love my life and it's true that I'm happier than ever, but then sometimes it's irritating to be stuck in limbo between childhood and a "proper" adult life. I think I'm too impatient to be 20 something. That is completely ridiculous I know.

Uni is becoming almost too much to handle and I'm definitely feeling the stress. This week has to be productive because Ali arrives on Saturday for five nights and I want to feel more in control of my work by then.

Efficiency bordering on nuisance.

The painter turned up at 7.30am yesterday. I did happen to be up because I was thinking he'd probably arrive at 8am. On the one hand it's excellent that he was keen to get started but to be honest it's a bit selfish on the part of the company to have their working day begin when most normal people are getting ready for work.

It's not like I have other rooms to escape into as you would in a house. My life largely exists out of that little room and being kicked out at 7.30am before you've had a chance to shower and get dressed is a pain.

He spent all day painting and chatting to me about his adventures on George St with all the "girly girls". He's 39 and single after his most significant relationship ended when he was 28. Now he looks for his new relationship amongst the 20 somethings in Why Not? and Tiger Lily (two horrible horrible over-priced clubs in Edinburgh's New Town). I had to sit through nearly 6 hours of him telling me about his successes and knock-backs. I shouldn't know this much about a man who's painting my walls, it was all a little awkward, especially as I was attempting to work on my dissertation at the kitchen table. Even closing the door didn't stop him.

Anyway, with all the chat he didn't quite finish so wanted to come back this morning at 7.45am. I got up at 6am to make sure I had time to be ready. Hopefully he'll be done and gone by the time I pop back at 2pm to pick up my things for the weekend.

Off to Mum and Dad's tonight, and the wedding tomorrow.

I'll be back on Sunday when I can finally get my room set to rights. It'll be such a relief to be rid of the chaos. I just wish that the painter was as quiet as the plasterer. I don't mean to be a cow but there's some occassions when candid chat about your love life is totally unwanted!

Happiness

I am at work, on the front counter, needing to appear busy so that the security guard will stop talking to me. It's a typical Monday evening!

I have just spent four blissful days with Ali. I travelled down to Manchester on Thursday night, and we both travelled back up here on Saturday afternoon. He has just headed back and will be somewhere in Scotland still.

Friday was fun because we met up with my best friend Beth and friends Inga and John who all live down there. Me and Beth got very drunk over a couple of bottles of wine and had an excellent catch up. I've known her since I was four so it's really nice that I'm getting to see even more of her these days seems our paths have transpired to bring us together in Manchester.

Ali and I both agreed that Edinburgh and Manchester have blurred into one city. I no longer feel that I'm anywhere different after spending the end of each week travelling back and forth between the two. It's a really great feeling - to be comfortable in both places and know it's no big deal that he lives far away. I'm happier than I have been in a long time which is a dangerous place to be in because there's always the worry of something bad happening to spoil it.

The only down side to having Ali for four days is the distinct lack of work I've been doing. By lack I of course mean none. Nada. Not a sausage. I'm going to get up early tomorrow and spend a day on the fifth floor of the library in the silence. I've got dissertation and essay prep to do, not to mention continuous reading - I've still not completed Middlemarch.

I'll be seeing Ali again on Thursday at my parents' house - we're spending a night there and then on Friday morning travelling to York for his brother Stu's wedding. York is only 40 minutes by train from my hometown so we figured we may as well grab a night alone together before being with everyone else, plus a night in my big bed with our own bathroom beats and extra night on someone's floor. It'll be good to see Mum and Dad.

Stu said I wasn't allowed to come to the wedding unless I knitted him a blue and orange hat. It's not finished yet so I'll have to get knitting every night this week!

Ali models the unfinished hat!

The decorators are due on Wednesday to re-paper and paint my wall which is now plastered. Hurray! I'm desperate to move my stuff back in, I'm sick of the flat being in a mess.

Wet plaster.

An hour and a half of the working night left. Pure tedium. Why any bookshop needs to be open until 8pm when all other shops around are shut at 5.30pm I do not know. I'm sure it's barely worth it.

A fairly productive day

Today I managed to be out of the flat from 10am til 5pm which always makes me feel like I've had a more productive day, whether it's true or not. Today most of my time was spent in the library working on my dissertation so it really was productive. I ventured up to the new 5th floor which has been refurbished. It was beautiful, they had these cool comfy seats that were like proper armchairs but with on thick desk-like arm to work on. They were in front of the huge window over looking Arthut's Seat and Marchmont - an amazing view to work in front of.

I'm really getting into my dissertation and am seriously toying with the idea of staying on to do either a PhD, MPhil or an MSc in Research. They take 3, 2 and 1 year(s) respectively. Of course it's down to actually getting in and then getting funding but I'm going to look into all that.

I'm missing Ali very very much but only two more sleeps until I'm down there. There's a train workers' strike on Thursday though which is bound to effect me. I'll be really peeved if it eats into my Manchester time too much.

Tonight I'm going to snuggle into bed with George Eliot and hopefully have a repeat of today tomorrow!

Manchester, Weddings, Dissertation, Wall...same old same old

It seems my blog topics vary very little these days but that's because my life is filled with only three things: Manchester, my dissertation and my wall.

I spent nearly £80 on train tickets the other night when I got back from Manchester for the next few weekends in October. This week I'm going back on Thursday until Saturday. The following week we're going to Ali's brother's wedding in York, and the following week we're going to my parents' to celebrate my birthday. It's all very expensive but a lot to look forward to and break up each week. My life certainly ain't dull!

I've just had a meeting with my dissertation advisor. He's the guy who supervised Ian Rankin's PhD which my Mum will love to hear, she's a Rankin uber fan. Anyway, the guy loved my topic and was keen for me to keep him regularly updated. He helped me sort out some style issues and so I've come home to plough on with it whilst I've still got some of what he said fresh in my mind.

The plasterer is coming to plaster the wall at 12.30pm. Hopefully it'll be quick and can get on with drying so that the decorators can come on Thursday. I'll be in Manchester of course so will return at the weekend to find the whole saga at a freshly painted, clean-smelling end!

On with more food in literature stuff....

Dissertation

Today I couldn't bring myself to get out of bed until 9am which is not like me at all. I think it's this feather duvet, it's changed me!

I eventually made it to the library where I thought I'd struggle to find a computer, but the rest of Edinburgh's students must have even featherier duvets than me because there was hardly anyone in.

I finished the first section of my dissertation and have just moved onto section two. Not bad going really. I just need to keep it up for the next two weeks before I end up having to write three term essays as well.

I spoke to Ali earlier. He wasn't a happy bunny because Manchester Uni haven't paid him the first installment of his funding. Shame on them. Why is admin so shoddy wherever you go these days? He'd had to walk to uni with holes in his shoes, in the rain, and was well and truly glum. I can't wait to see him tomorrow to snuggle his cares away! I'll arrive at 7.15pm. I just wish I was staying for more than one night. Goddamn work. It gets in the way of life!

Calm Restored

After my mini meltdown I finally calmed down when I saw the efforts the builder was going to to be clean and tidy and make the room sleep-inable! I moved a few home-comforts back in to make it feel more welcoming.

He vacuumed and replaced clean sheets of polythene to keep the room dust-free. At least I don't have to look at the exposed brick whilst the de-humidifier does its job. I just have to smell it!

If you look just at that wall you can almost imagine you're in a Dexter Morgan crime scene.


The impact that this whole thing is having on my work is growing. I really need to sit in bed and do some reading but I have to leave the machine on and it's whirring and noisy, and the dry air bothers my throat. I am annoyed that I lost a days work in waiting for builders and equipment.

An early night is in order so that I can get up and make tomorrow as productive as possible.

Unexpected Wall Anguish!

The wall at 8am this morning, note the size of the damaged area

So the builder was banging for about two hours which I thought was odd. When he finally emerged I got to see why...

Wall at 10am this morning, removed past the radiator and through at least a foot of dry area

They've taken off the entire wall, almost 2 metres in height. This was not discussed with me and I'm furious.

The works organiser never even came to look at the wall and has just sent a labourer to remove the wall, and the labourer has just gone all trigger happy with his hammer.

80% of the wall which has been stripped back is bone dry and did not need to come off.

I have to sleep in there tonight.

They better get it plastered and re-decorated sharpish! I've already raised a little hell with the poor woman who answered the phone at the building company. Admittedly this was wrong of me, but at least she'll be able to convey my anger accurately to Ronnie the works organiser! When he calls me back he'll face my wrath.

The man who shall henceforth be known as 'the destroyer of my not all that damaged wall' has gone down to his van for a cup of tea. He said a plumber is due to arrive sometime today to remove the radiator. This entire project has, in the space of a few hours, become a much bigger job than was ever discussed with me and the letting agent.

I wish people communicated properly. I wish I'd made them come round and discuss it with me, but then what leverage do I have? I'm just the tenant!

The mouldy wall saga enters its final stages!

I had to empty the room of all my possessions and now they're sitting in the hallway, a jumbled representation of my life. My little room looks very sad without its books, paintings, photographs and cushions.

The builder is in there now laying polythene. He arrived just after 8am. I have de-camped to the kitchen table to work on my dissertation.

At 1.15pm there's a newspaper meeting which I have to attend, although it's so miserable outside I'm very tempted to hide away all day with coffee and my reading. No, can't do that. I have to go to persuade a few Freshers to form a copy editing team. Plus my miserable ex would delight in not having me there.

The builder has shut the door! The whole point of staying at home to work was to keep an eye on him. I can hear him taping plastic to things. He's probably taped me out of my own room!

Oh well, on with some work I suppose. I shall blog an update on the wall when the plaster has been removed. Fingers and toes crossed it's not too wet underneath. This whole ordeal cannot continue much longer, I need some peace!

The Library

So I managed to drag my little self to the library with the intention of doing some serious dissertationing!

I'm starting to regret it because the computer lab on the third floor was the only place I could get a computer and it seems as if the air conditioning is bust because everyone is sweating soooo much. The guy opposite me has a sweat patch on the chest of his jumper - just from working in the midst of a hundred or so PCs. He's probably not helping himself by having his jumper tucked into his trousers mind you!

Right, nuff procrastinating...better get sweating with the rest of them...

Sunday Bookselling

I find myself, once again, bored at work, sick of answering the same enquiries ~ 'There's a book, I don't know the author or the title but it was on a radio programme a few weeks ago and I think it was set somewhere in Europe'. God help me!

Still, such an enquiry is preferable to 'Where is your economics section?' I really wish I could get away with saying, 'Well if you walk back to the front of the shop and read the huge store directory you'll find out.' One day I will probably snap and get myself fired.

This is just making me look like the worst shop assisstant ever, but I'm actually not. I do enjoy my job most of the time, there's great pleasure in helping a pleasant customer who's generally struggling to find what they want, or doesn't expect you to be able to find it. An American customer once wrote a letter all the way from the states to my boss saying how helpful I'd been and I won £100. So yea, I'm not a nightmare, I just get worn down by endless streams of rude and lazy people.

***

Right, well I'm home now in my PJs, enjoying the benefits of a feather duvet and a big mug of earl grey tea. Heaven.

Our boiler has packed in and I was forced to have an icey cold shower earlier. Thank goodness Mum and Dad brought up my thicker duvet, blankets and hot water bottle this morning. Edinburgh's icey wind has arrived, my face feels really dry from just one day of it.

I should be reading not blogging. I had been watching some Sopranos but it freaked me out. I've borrowed a dodgy Japanese boxset of the entire seasons 1-6 from a friend. In tonight's episode in the bottom right corner of the screen was the image of a man's face in a red blur. I text Ali to tell him about it, thinking its creepiness warranted a text message. He pointed out it'd be even worse if it was in an episode of Twin Peaks!! I had to agree.

Maybe some reading will help my imagination wipe the freaky image. And it can be done whilst wrapped up in my duvet. I don't want to get out of this bed now until Spring!

Visiting Ali in Manchester

My boyfriend, Ali, has just moved to Manchester to do his PhD in Maths. I went to visit on Thursday after uni and have just had a really lovely few days with him. It was well worth the three and a half hour train journey on a Transpennine Express (not "proper" trains in my opinion).

His new flat is small, nicely decorated and well appointed. Seeing that it was comfy made me feel a lot better about him living alone. He seems to have made it his own already. It was really great to have our own space and not have to worry about flatmates.

There were still a few things he needed so we went to Sainsbury's in Withington and I bought a few outstanding essentials...along the lines of tea towels, bathmat, knives, glasses, bowls, cutlery tray, food...

The rest of Friday was spent mooching about Manchester, which up until now had been a city I had few pleasant things to say about. I am warming to it however. The parts which escaped the IRA bombs and still boast their originial red-brick architecture are beautiful. It was also just nice to wander about doing nothing together, something we've not have the chance to do in a very long time. In fact, I actually can't remember the last time we spent proper 100% alone time together, there are always friends and relatives around.

On Friday evening we went to see my best friend Beth. She went to uni in Manchester and has just got a job there after graduating. She's also got a new flat in Didsbury which is beautiful. It was great to see her happy and settled.

Today we went back into town for a frying pan and other bits and bobs. We sat in St Ann's Square with an M&S picnic and enjoyed the sunshine. My train was at 3.45pm and it was sad to have to leave him.

The first thing I did when I got in was book train tickets to go on the 2nd and the 9th. We'll see each other every week for the month of October - start as you mean to go on I say!

Tomorrow Mum and Dad are popping up to bring a thicker duvet, some blankets and my thick dressing-gown...preparations for a Scottish winter are beginning!! I'm at work at 12pm because they wouldn't give me the day off. It will be a short but sweet reunion.

I'm fairly exhausted now so might catch an early night. I'm not relishing sleeping alone again, even if my bed is a single. I'd share a dog basket with Ali if it meant a night together. I'll be looking forward to Thursday all week.

Mad For It!

I'm about to head into uni for a really busy day and then at 15:52 I'll be hopping on a train to Manchester to visit Ali for the first time since he left. Hurrah!!

I'm excited to see his new one-man pad. I have to take lots of photos to show his Mum so she knows he's not living in squallor.

It's going to be really great to have a mini adventure. I'll hopefully also get to see my best friend Beth, she's just started a new job in Manchester and has moved onto the same street as Ali in Didsbury.

It may be my least favourite city but I can see myself spending a lot of time there in the coming months.

Back in the saddle again...or not...

I got up at 9am today, giving myself a reasonably gentle start to the day by telling myself I'd work really hard on my dissertation all day in return. So far I've done a couple of hundred words and it's taken me about two hours. Perhaps working at home isn't for me any more. Maybe it's time to venture to the library - in my mind the noisiest, must distracting place one can work.


I've finished my introduction, or think I have until I meet with my advisor and am told it needs to be much more detailed. Now I need to start close annotation and analysis. It's not that it's hard, in fact it's really simple and made all the more easy by the fact that I love the topic I've chosen: the role of food in literature. Still, I'm sitting here in my little work space wandering back and forth to the kitchen, aimlessly looking in the fridge, making cups of coffee I don't really want and staring out of the window. Now I find myself blogging. What's wrong with me?!

I'm still waiting for a call from Ronnie the builder about him coming to check out the wall. I hate waiting for people to call. In my experience they never do and I find myself harassing them instead. It's just that getting this fixed as soon as possible is only important to me and I want it to be important to everyone involved so that it gets done.

Tonight I'm going to my friend Martin's to watch some Deadwood and do some knitting. It'll hopefully be the perfect escape from work and wall related stresses.

Tomorrow is my busiest day of the week: one two hour seminar, a lecture, an ALG (autonomous learning group or as we know it - meet for a coffee and talk about books) then I'm catching the train to Manchester to see Ali. All the more reason to get more work done NOW!

Perhaps I'll go make some lunch and see if I'm more inspired on a full stomach...

Update 1.24pm:
I've just come off the phone with Ronnie the builder and they've agreed to do things my way!! Work on the wall begins on Tuesday and by the sounds of it they're aiming to be all done and dusted super quick. All I have to do is have my possessions shifted into other parts of the flat and be ready for them to start at 8am. Hurray!!!!

Now back to my dissertation...

A step in the wrong direction?

I woke up today determined to attend the first newspaper meeting and quit not only my position as Culture Editor, but the entire paper completely. I got there and realised that I was actually too good at it, had been there too long, and didn't deserve to have it removed from my life by a boy who's too selfish and immature to compromise.

Basically, my ex-boyfriend edits Comment after I managed to get him a position on the staff back in the foolish days of our heady love. When things ended nastily the newspaper became a huge bone fo contention and he's been asking me to leave since January.

Things have turned out in my favour ultimately. I have relinquished my Culture role to a friend who deserves the opportunity, and taken on the position of chief copy editor. This means I'll only have to be in the office on Sunday nights into the wee small hours leaving all the time I need for visiting Ali and doing my dissertation. It also means less chance of running into my miserable ex leaving my life as cheerful as possible. Of course the benefits to my CV when I'm hankering after publishing jobs will be ten fold. As I walked away from the meeting though, I couldn't help but wonder whether sticking to it rather than cutting that part of my life off completely was just a step in the wrong direction. I guess we'll see.

Mouldy Wall Update:
I called the contractors a few minutes ago only to be told they'd washed their hands of the job because they weren't prepared to work in a room which had furniture in. I managed to get a word in edge ways in the face of his ignorant refusal and persuaded him that with my personal possessions and smaller bits of furniture gone, they could work around the bed if it was covered in a dust sheet. He seemed to see my point and is coming round tomorrow to take a look. I'll have to fully convince him then because I refuse to let this farce drag on any longer.

I'm sick of hearing from people prophecies of doom and gloom about the wall and the need for me to move out. Where exactly do they expect me to live, work and eat? A little support for my case would be really helpful and at the moment the only person giving me any is the man from The Flat Company (ironically enough knowing their professional credentials!) Even my flatmates have nothing positive to say on the matter. It's making me so cross I actually don't want to speak to anyone.

I have been enjoying a simple, happy little life all summer. Now it feels as though it's slowly ebbing away. I must keep the angst at bay. A few nights of peace and love in Manchester will sort me out I'm sure! Roll on Thursday.

First day back at uni & the saga of my mouldy wall

Today has been a really excellent day. First of all my student loan should have arrived, I haven't actually checked but I'm presuming it did. I got up and went and did a food shop, the first I've done in a few weeks without checking the cost of absolutely everything. I didn't have any classes until 2pm - welcome to the world of the honours year student, 5 hours contact time a week and the rest to be spent reading and working at home/library/cafe/...

I spent the morning reading for my seminar then mooched on over to uni. The seminar was for my Joyce & Style course. I was a little apprehensive because I had started to think that taking a whole course in Joyce was a mistake. As it turned out I slipped right back into work mode and was really getting into it. There were the handful of private school idiots that talk and talk and actually say very little - this uni is littered with them - but overall I really enjoyed it.

I had work at 5.30pm. The shop was packed with students buying texts and stationery. I've just eaten and now have a few hours to myself, my blog and my knitting before bed.

It's so good to be back into some kind of routine.

Tomorrow I'm off all day though it's bound to be stressful. Before we took over the lease on the flat there was a leak in the bathroom which came through to my bedroom wall and has created a 1x1.5m patch of black and white mould on the wall. Things were set in place to get it fixed and last week the insurers paid the landlord and the work was authorized to begin. A guy from the company doing the repairs, which involve stripping the plaster off the wall, drying it with a de-humidifier, re-plastering and re-painting, called today and said work could begin as soon as I'd moved out and the room had been emptied. I explained to him, as I had done before, that I wasn't moving out because I have no where to go and they'd have to make do with my possessions being moved out and furniture covered. I told him I had to sleep there every night and wanted to hold them to a two week time scale for completion of the work. He wasn't pleased, not angry just not prepared to set a day until he'd spoken to his boss. He's calling me back tomorrow to discuss it.

Raymond and Stanley observe the ever-worsening wall!

I could really do without this grief right now. I'm just beginning the busiest year of my academic experience and sleeping on someone's sofa for a fortnight is going to disrupt my work so much. I had been quite calm about the whole problem but now I can feel myself beginning to fret, a nasty habit I get from my Mum. We'll just have to see what the man says tomorrow.

I rang Ali earlier, it was his first day at uni today too. It must have been a bit odd considering he graduated nearly four years ago. He seemed to have had an alright day. I can't wait to see him. I find myself ringing daily to see how he's doing which is making me feel like a pest. Life will be easier when he's got credit and a landline. Still, I see him on Thursday so it's all good really. This long distance thing will just take a little getting used to.

I think I'll spend the rest of my evening watching a couple of Sopranos and working on one of my many knitting projects. I'll pick Joyce back up tomorrow.

A new blog, a new year, a new routine

The most beautiful city in the world, and the place I call home from home

I used to blog a lot about three years ago but for various reasons stopped doing so. Having seen a few interesting blogs linked to Ravelry lately I decided to get back into it. I don't have a particularly exciting life but it seems to me that even the mundane things can make sometimes make good bloggage!

Tomorrow is the first day of my final year at uni. I'm an English Literature student at The University of Edinburgh. I absolutely love my degree and the prospect of finishing it for good makes quite sad. My hope is to get into publishing but I fear that I'm facing a few years of servitude in the bookshop I work part-time in for a good few years to come - it seems to happen to most people here.

I have spent the past month doing work experience at Canongate Books here in Edinburgh. I enjoyed myself hugely and would love nothing more than for a job to come up there in May. There's a chance that I may be able to go back and work for them (for free!) at the end of the year. I'm keeping my fingers and toes crossed for this because it would be really useful to have a hand in the industry when it gets to the time I'll be properly job hunting. Another year of bookselling may just kill me. I'm starting to really loathe my job - going back to uni will be a relief.

My absentee other-half!

This year it's all going to be a bit different on a weekly basis. My boyfriend, Ali, has just moved to Manchester to do his PhD. The plan is to each make the trip on alternate weeks, or as often as possible. I'm going down for the first time on Thursday afternoon. I won't have seen him for a week by then so I'm really excited. At first I was the voice of doom and gloom on the subject, but now I think having somewhere else to go to every week might prove to be a pleasant break from routine. I just have to be organised and get my work done at the start of each week!

There are only 31 minutes left of the working day. I've got a night of knitting, tea and The Sopranos ahead of me. I want to finish my chunky moss stitch scarf ready for the icey Firth of Forth wind. I'm not sure I have the energy for much else anyway. You wouldn't believe how draining this bookshop can be!

My half-finished scarf, very snuggley!