Essays and not much else

I'm off uni all week doing my course essays. I actually finished them both yesterday so have plenty of time for proof-reading and editing etc. I'm pretty mentally exhausted which late on an evening with nothing better to do but Facebook and knit takes its tole on my 'i'm in a long distance relationship and it's completely great' attitude. By the time I see him next it'll have been two weeks and one week in I'm really grumpy. It's pretty unattractive, and not constant, but all the same, very irritating. Two weeks apart is clearly not a big deal and during the day I couldn't really care less. If only there were no bedtimes!

Busy few days ahead so it's all good.

Post birthday dark night induced melancholy

I have just returned from spending four glorious nights at my parents home in Teesside. Ali came too which made it extra lovely. Yesterday was my birthday - nice presents, lunch out and an amazing homemade birthday cake, complete with sparklers.

Going home is always nice, but it leaves me feeling a little disjointed and unsettled upon my return to Edinburgh. It doesn't help that it's dark by 5pm either.

More and more often these days I get a sense of frustration with being in this particular place in my life. Being at home only serves to make this more acute. On the one hand I love my life and it's true that I'm happier than ever, but then sometimes it's irritating to be stuck in limbo between childhood and a "proper" adult life. I think I'm too impatient to be 20 something. That is completely ridiculous I know.

Uni is becoming almost too much to handle and I'm definitely feeling the stress. This week has to be productive because Ali arrives on Saturday for five nights and I want to feel more in control of my work by then.

Efficiency bordering on nuisance.

The painter turned up at 7.30am yesterday. I did happen to be up because I was thinking he'd probably arrive at 8am. On the one hand it's excellent that he was keen to get started but to be honest it's a bit selfish on the part of the company to have their working day begin when most normal people are getting ready for work.

It's not like I have other rooms to escape into as you would in a house. My life largely exists out of that little room and being kicked out at 7.30am before you've had a chance to shower and get dressed is a pain.

He spent all day painting and chatting to me about his adventures on George St with all the "girly girls". He's 39 and single after his most significant relationship ended when he was 28. Now he looks for his new relationship amongst the 20 somethings in Why Not? and Tiger Lily (two horrible horrible over-priced clubs in Edinburgh's New Town). I had to sit through nearly 6 hours of him telling me about his successes and knock-backs. I shouldn't know this much about a man who's painting my walls, it was all a little awkward, especially as I was attempting to work on my dissertation at the kitchen table. Even closing the door didn't stop him.

Anyway, with all the chat he didn't quite finish so wanted to come back this morning at 7.45am. I got up at 6am to make sure I had time to be ready. Hopefully he'll be done and gone by the time I pop back at 2pm to pick up my things for the weekend.

Off to Mum and Dad's tonight, and the wedding tomorrow.

I'll be back on Sunday when I can finally get my room set to rights. It'll be such a relief to be rid of the chaos. I just wish that the painter was as quiet as the plasterer. I don't mean to be a cow but there's some occassions when candid chat about your love life is totally unwanted!

Happiness

I am at work, on the front counter, needing to appear busy so that the security guard will stop talking to me. It's a typical Monday evening!

I have just spent four blissful days with Ali. I travelled down to Manchester on Thursday night, and we both travelled back up here on Saturday afternoon. He has just headed back and will be somewhere in Scotland still.

Friday was fun because we met up with my best friend Beth and friends Inga and John who all live down there. Me and Beth got very drunk over a couple of bottles of wine and had an excellent catch up. I've known her since I was four so it's really nice that I'm getting to see even more of her these days seems our paths have transpired to bring us together in Manchester.

Ali and I both agreed that Edinburgh and Manchester have blurred into one city. I no longer feel that I'm anywhere different after spending the end of each week travelling back and forth between the two. It's a really great feeling - to be comfortable in both places and know it's no big deal that he lives far away. I'm happier than I have been in a long time which is a dangerous place to be in because there's always the worry of something bad happening to spoil it.

The only down side to having Ali for four days is the distinct lack of work I've been doing. By lack I of course mean none. Nada. Not a sausage. I'm going to get up early tomorrow and spend a day on the fifth floor of the library in the silence. I've got dissertation and essay prep to do, not to mention continuous reading - I've still not completed Middlemarch.

I'll be seeing Ali again on Thursday at my parents' house - we're spending a night there and then on Friday morning travelling to York for his brother Stu's wedding. York is only 40 minutes by train from my hometown so we figured we may as well grab a night alone together before being with everyone else, plus a night in my big bed with our own bathroom beats and extra night on someone's floor. It'll be good to see Mum and Dad.

Stu said I wasn't allowed to come to the wedding unless I knitted him a blue and orange hat. It's not finished yet so I'll have to get knitting every night this week!

Ali models the unfinished hat!

The decorators are due on Wednesday to re-paper and paint my wall which is now plastered. Hurray! I'm desperate to move my stuff back in, I'm sick of the flat being in a mess.

Wet plaster.

An hour and a half of the working night left. Pure tedium. Why any bookshop needs to be open until 8pm when all other shops around are shut at 5.30pm I do not know. I'm sure it's barely worth it.

A fairly productive day

Today I managed to be out of the flat from 10am til 5pm which always makes me feel like I've had a more productive day, whether it's true or not. Today most of my time was spent in the library working on my dissertation so it really was productive. I ventured up to the new 5th floor which has been refurbished. It was beautiful, they had these cool comfy seats that were like proper armchairs but with on thick desk-like arm to work on. They were in front of the huge window over looking Arthut's Seat and Marchmont - an amazing view to work in front of.

I'm really getting into my dissertation and am seriously toying with the idea of staying on to do either a PhD, MPhil or an MSc in Research. They take 3, 2 and 1 year(s) respectively. Of course it's down to actually getting in and then getting funding but I'm going to look into all that.

I'm missing Ali very very much but only two more sleeps until I'm down there. There's a train workers' strike on Thursday though which is bound to effect me. I'll be really peeved if it eats into my Manchester time too much.

Tonight I'm going to snuggle into bed with George Eliot and hopefully have a repeat of today tomorrow!

Manchester, Weddings, Dissertation, Wall...same old same old

It seems my blog topics vary very little these days but that's because my life is filled with only three things: Manchester, my dissertation and my wall.

I spent nearly £80 on train tickets the other night when I got back from Manchester for the next few weekends in October. This week I'm going back on Thursday until Saturday. The following week we're going to Ali's brother's wedding in York, and the following week we're going to my parents' to celebrate my birthday. It's all very expensive but a lot to look forward to and break up each week. My life certainly ain't dull!

I've just had a meeting with my dissertation advisor. He's the guy who supervised Ian Rankin's PhD which my Mum will love to hear, she's a Rankin uber fan. Anyway, the guy loved my topic and was keen for me to keep him regularly updated. He helped me sort out some style issues and so I've come home to plough on with it whilst I've still got some of what he said fresh in my mind.

The plasterer is coming to plaster the wall at 12.30pm. Hopefully it'll be quick and can get on with drying so that the decorators can come on Thursday. I'll be in Manchester of course so will return at the weekend to find the whole saga at a freshly painted, clean-smelling end!

On with more food in literature stuff....

Dissertation

Today I couldn't bring myself to get out of bed until 9am which is not like me at all. I think it's this feather duvet, it's changed me!

I eventually made it to the library where I thought I'd struggle to find a computer, but the rest of Edinburgh's students must have even featherier duvets than me because there was hardly anyone in.

I finished the first section of my dissertation and have just moved onto section two. Not bad going really. I just need to keep it up for the next two weeks before I end up having to write three term essays as well.

I spoke to Ali earlier. He wasn't a happy bunny because Manchester Uni haven't paid him the first installment of his funding. Shame on them. Why is admin so shoddy wherever you go these days? He'd had to walk to uni with holes in his shoes, in the rain, and was well and truly glum. I can't wait to see him tomorrow to snuggle his cares away! I'll arrive at 7.15pm. I just wish I was staying for more than one night. Goddamn work. It gets in the way of life!

Calm Restored

After my mini meltdown I finally calmed down when I saw the efforts the builder was going to to be clean and tidy and make the room sleep-inable! I moved a few home-comforts back in to make it feel more welcoming.

He vacuumed and replaced clean sheets of polythene to keep the room dust-free. At least I don't have to look at the exposed brick whilst the de-humidifier does its job. I just have to smell it!

If you look just at that wall you can almost imagine you're in a Dexter Morgan crime scene.


The impact that this whole thing is having on my work is growing. I really need to sit in bed and do some reading but I have to leave the machine on and it's whirring and noisy, and the dry air bothers my throat. I am annoyed that I lost a days work in waiting for builders and equipment.

An early night is in order so that I can get up and make tomorrow as productive as possible.

Unexpected Wall Anguish!

The wall at 8am this morning, note the size of the damaged area

So the builder was banging for about two hours which I thought was odd. When he finally emerged I got to see why...

Wall at 10am this morning, removed past the radiator and through at least a foot of dry area

They've taken off the entire wall, almost 2 metres in height. This was not discussed with me and I'm furious.

The works organiser never even came to look at the wall and has just sent a labourer to remove the wall, and the labourer has just gone all trigger happy with his hammer.

80% of the wall which has been stripped back is bone dry and did not need to come off.

I have to sleep in there tonight.

They better get it plastered and re-decorated sharpish! I've already raised a little hell with the poor woman who answered the phone at the building company. Admittedly this was wrong of me, but at least she'll be able to convey my anger accurately to Ronnie the works organiser! When he calls me back he'll face my wrath.

The man who shall henceforth be known as 'the destroyer of my not all that damaged wall' has gone down to his van for a cup of tea. He said a plumber is due to arrive sometime today to remove the radiator. This entire project has, in the space of a few hours, become a much bigger job than was ever discussed with me and the letting agent.

I wish people communicated properly. I wish I'd made them come round and discuss it with me, but then what leverage do I have? I'm just the tenant!

The mouldy wall saga enters its final stages!

I had to empty the room of all my possessions and now they're sitting in the hallway, a jumbled representation of my life. My little room looks very sad without its books, paintings, photographs and cushions.

The builder is in there now laying polythene. He arrived just after 8am. I have de-camped to the kitchen table to work on my dissertation.

At 1.15pm there's a newspaper meeting which I have to attend, although it's so miserable outside I'm very tempted to hide away all day with coffee and my reading. No, can't do that. I have to go to persuade a few Freshers to form a copy editing team. Plus my miserable ex would delight in not having me there.

The builder has shut the door! The whole point of staying at home to work was to keep an eye on him. I can hear him taping plastic to things. He's probably taped me out of my own room!

Oh well, on with some work I suppose. I shall blog an update on the wall when the plaster has been removed. Fingers and toes crossed it's not too wet underneath. This whole ordeal cannot continue much longer, I need some peace!